Work Relationships

I've learned some things about developing new relationships or making first impressions with people while working at different places.  I used to, and still do to a certain degree, struggle with forming relationships with people because I feel like I always have something to prove whether it's saying the right thing or being at a certain place at a certain time.  Fortunately, for the most part, I've realized that it's much much simpler than I make it out to be.

People say "just be yourself", another cliche but true, and I feel like I've been able to internalize that in a way that has benefited me.  I used to feel so much pressure when I met someone new to make this great impression, but it's not really necessary.  I think a lot of that pressure comes from trying to establish yourself in a field where reputation and public image is a huge emphasis.  At the end of the day, we put far more pressure on ourselves than is necessary.

PR Relationships

I've recently had some first-hand experience of what we have been learning in public relations classes the past two semesters.  A point that is emphasized non-stop is protecting your reputation.  I have felt really self-conscious lately about this whole reputation thing because I've been comparing myself to everyone that I have classes with.  Pretty much everyone has a GA position and is completely connected to the PR world at USM.  I don't have a GA position, I have an internship, but I also work at a bar which I am at constantly and I see everyone there.

I see other students, professors and professionals on a daily basis and I can't help but think if they are analyzing what kind of person I am.  Sometimes there are negative stereotypes about the bar/restaurant scene that I feel like I have to fight.  In terms of relationships, you don't want some vague assumption to be the overall impression of what type of person you are, so that can be tough.  That's one thing about this degree that I have struggled with, the reputation or public image aspect of things.  It's tricky.

Sisters

To continue the family relationship theme, my sisters and I are on much better terms than we used to be.  I've always been an asshole towards them, probably because of my upbringing.  I've always felt guilty and regret not going against the grain earlier to make things good between us.  I moved out of our home early and pretty much disconnected.  But now that they are older and have moved out we've begun to see things eye-to-eye which is a great feeling.

I always compare other siblings' relationships to my own and try to figure it out.  Most of the time it doesn't make sense because it's really hard to understand a picture perfect relationship.  Now, I sort of get it.  We're all products of our environments, which is incredibly powerful when you're young.  Despite that, I have realize that it's never too late to turn things around, whether it's siblings, girlfriends, parents or whatever.

Father/Son Relationship

My relationship with my dad has been strained at best for the majority of my life.  He didn't make the best decisions when I was a kid and it led to a lot of resentment and hostility.  He loves me to death and always has, but he has this inherent characteristic that makes him do the crazy things.  He can't help himself.  Within the past year or so I've been reevaluating our relationship which is something I haven't done in a while.  I'm at the point now where I take care of myself which has made me not care nearly as much about petty grudges.  What really made a difference was my best friend who is having a child soon told me he couldn't imagine this child ever hating him.  It would be the worst feeling ever.

A huge wave of guilt washed over me and I haven't looked at things the same since.  I've had all these epiphanies since I turned 25 which is fitting for some reason considering it's a quarter of a century.  That resonates with me for some reason.  I want time to be on my side, even if that means swallowing some grudges and moving on.

Internship

I started two internships this semester at.  My goal going into the semester was to develop as many professional relationships as possible so that I could find a job upon graduation and gain experience.  Unfortunately, the experience at once place put me in a very difficult position with the people I was working with.  The more I worked there the more I began to realize that this wasn't going to end well.  As an unpaid intern, I was given tasks that were completely mundane and useless in terms of building a resume (cleaning out closets, making contact lists).  So, after three months I expressed my concerns told them I would be leaving.

To this day half of me is confident I made the right decision.  On the other hand, I'm scared to death I made a bad impression within the PR community even though I feel justified.  Fostering professional relationships is tricky business.  You get put in positions that leave you feel completely vulnerable and confused.  Regardless of how that affected me, all I can do is keep giving 100% where I'm currently at.

Best Friend

So my best friend from childhood is having a baby in September.  For the past 20 years we've gone from doing whatever we wanted to have a good time to the complete opposite.  He moved to the coast with his girlfriend for a teaching job in Pascagoula.  Two months later he drops the news on me.  As I've evaluated what that means for us it's very mind-boggling.  He is in full-blown dad mode (thankfully).  But no more late nights, no more drinking, nothing reckless.  It's incredibly sad and joyful at the same time.

It's the same relationship but with completely different parameters, which is fine.  I guess I've hit that point in my life where this is gonna be a continual thing, something that will probably happen to me too.  Cliches are cliche for a reason.  Everyone goes through the same life-changing moments but it's been watered down so much that no one wants to hear it anymore.  That's fine, but experiencing it is another ballgame.